It’s halftime now this year. Finally after allowing myself to be in this stupor for quite some time, like all things must come to an end; i have to put an end to this self wallowing depreciating decadence. Putting detoxification from intoxication is pretty easy for me, especially when you tend to see things around you & figure out what lies beyond you is at stake & so far beyond your wildest imagination, just that there are many distractions. Before reading this, this might sound a little pedestrian, but to me, i find it more than just exorcism.
I can never express how i feel about being overlooked or rejected. On one hand when i see what i am overlooked for, the only saving grace is that it could be a blessing in disguise seeing at how trashy & cannot make it for what i was being snubbed out & ignored upon. On the other hand, you cant help but wonder if you should laugh or cry that maybe somehow that person had a quality that appeals that you didnt have… or just maybe the person who chose is just plain dumb with shit for brains & is as retarded as they look with a face of a shriveled up monkey penis when they claim to be in for the internal character when its all of superficiality & looks that comes most important. You can only sit in amazement to wonder what what could have been. Sounds corny that you want to help get that person out from the mire for choosing the wrong person but you can lead the horse to the water but you can make the horse drink it.
I dont really believe in kismet but somehow, if you have worked hard all your life to climb the mountain but you have very short arms & legs… you might just find it difficult to scale the wrong peak… then again, you keep driving & driving to success & that looking back, you will fail more often than you succeed but eventually you will get there. If you ever have been hungry before, you’ll never be full & i always remember that.
I was talking to Henson about stuff & about my thoughts of going overseas to Hong Kong to work for the gyms there. Having a job offer back here to a big-time gym is quite mouthwatering but i still have my concerns… especially when i put to myself Body For People & the legacy i want to leave behind. One thing that is most important to consider is that the grass is always greener on the other side so most of the time, you might end up back to square one. The only difference is you have to have that unflappable attitude to want to learn & work for everything you want to attain. Like how to market yourself & research on how else & others make it. The main thing is to always keep driving even though its at a prostitute hour. Sacrificing hours would make the money because time is money… & learning how to make money work for you would make your money make more money.
I always had that branding, except that its different from appealing to others. It’s not about telling people that im a better trainer/person than him/her. But telling people that i am the best there is. Deep down inside i know i am the best there is. I just have to work hard & let it show from there & not bitch around like most people here. There is a lesson to be learnt from everyone who succeeded or failed everywhere. I have a good heart & i must start taking more heart & learn how to make use of it. Most of the time, i am the nice guy or the good friend to have around because i am always taken for a ride but now as im 31, much older thinking smaller of myself is never on my mind anymore because i know im better than that. People perceive myself as how i see myself. I used to be the great big kid who never want to grow up. I guess if i think like a child, people are going to see me like a child. The moral of the story is learning to prioritize & telling people among other distractions to fuck off.
Cliched as it sounds, let me tell you something you already know. This world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it isn’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, and i definitely know what im worth, then go out there and get what you’re worth. It’s hard reminding myself that but i have to. But most importantly, i have gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying i am not where i am because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that isn’t me. I am better than that. I just have to keep reminding myself that. I have been in many situations on me before being thrown into the deep end, and that’s good, because thats my baptism under fire! When i get through that and am done with it, only will you then find the only kind of respect that matters in this world, Self respect. We all have been called to do something. Jesus is the inspiration for anyone to go the distance & for answering that call. You could compare his courage to that of David, who as the epic underdog, defeated the giant Goliath in battle or look at his integrity in comparison to Esther, whose uncle asked, “And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). No matter which way you look at it, there is always a Hand Of Providence demonstrated in life. In the past, my ego and worldly temptation’s took over & till now, it is spiraling out of control. I thought I was entitled to things. You’re not entitled to anything. You are just what you leave behind.
For those of you who doubted me, this is a message for you - You got everything money can buy, except what it can’t. And that’s Pride. Pride is what got my ass out there, and losing is what brings me back to earth. But people like you, they need to be tested. They need a challenge. There’s always somebody out there. Always. And you tend to overlook it. And when that time comes and you find something standing if front of you, something that ain’t running and isn’t backing up and is hitting on you and your too damn tired to breathe. That something would probably be me.
Early in my life, I realized the only way I would ever prove myself was to create my success & be proud of something that i really love to do. At the back of my head, i wanted my friends to be in on that success too. The sudden revelation is that of me to draw parallels from what i saw - heroism, great love, dignity, and courage, dramas of people rising above their stations, taking life by the throat and not letting go until they succeeded. Miracles unfold. People will go absolutely crazy when they see you hang in there, almost lasting the distance. Life should be about witnessing incredible triumphs of the human spirit. People still look on me as the all-Singaporean tragedy, a man without much mentality and few social graces. But having deep emotion and spirituality and good patriotism. And having a good nature, although nature has not been particularly good to me. Like so many of us people, i am out of sync with the times. To all this, of my frustration at not getting anywhere, i am taking you by the throat & im not going to let go till i get what i was promised. That would be my aim in life. In the past, I got out in the so-called real world and I was presented with temptation. I kinda like lost my way and made a lot of bad choices. But someone great once said, "No matter what, you can overcome your past," he said. "With help, if you look to God, you can overcome your past and be reborn." Right now, its all about redemption. Remember, its june now & it’s only half time.
